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crucial-conversations

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Crucial conversations: lessons from the worldwide bestseller book

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# Crucial conversations

Credit: [Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High](https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/1469266822)

For a summary of the book: [Wikisummaries: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High](http://www.wikisummaries.org/wiki/Crucial_Conversations:_Tools_for_Talking_When_Stakes_are_High)

For an introduction to the concepts: [Interested in improving your relationships? Try Nonviolent Communication](https://www.clearerthinking.org/single-post/2019/03/06/Want-to-improve-your-relationships-Try-Nonviolent-Communication-1)

This page is a refresher of reading the Crucial Conversations book and course.

Contents:

* [1. Get unstuck by using CPR](#1-get-unstuck-by-using-cpr)
* [2. Start with heart](#2-start-with-heart)
* [3. Master my stories](#3-master-my-stories)
* [4. STATE my path](#4-state-my-path)
* [5. Learn to look](#5-learn-to-look)
* [6. Make it safe](#6-make-it-safe)
* [7. Create mutual purpose via CRIB](#7-create-mutual-purpose-via-crib)
* [8. Explore others' paths via AMPP](#8-explore-others-paths-via-ampp)
* [9. Move to action via WWWF](#9-move-to-action-via-wwwf)

## 1. Get unstuck by using CPR

Get unstuck by spotting conversations that are keeping me from what I want, then unbundling them by talking about the "CPR" abbreviation.

* Content: the current single instance of a problem

* Pattern: any pattern of behavior over time

* Relationship: how the problem is affecting my relationship with the other person

## 2. Start with heart

Start with heart to keep my focus on what I really want.

* What am I behaving like I want?

* What results do I really want, for myself, for others, for the relationship, for the organization?

* How would I behave if I really did?

## 3. Master my stories

Master my stories -- even when I'm angry, scared, or hurt -- by separating facts from stories.

Skill: Tell the rest of the story by asking three questions.

* What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem? Watch out for any "victim" story.

* Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person do this? Watch out for any "villian" story.

* What should I do right now to move toward what I really want? Watch out for any "helpless" story.

## 4. STATE my path

STATE my path by speaking persuasively, not abrasively.

* Share my facts.

* Tell my story.

* Ask for others' paths.

* Talk tentatively.

* Encourage testing.

## 5. Learn to look

Learn to look for when when safety is at risk.

* Look for when a conversation becomes crucial.

* Look for silence and violence in myself and others.

## 6. Make it safe

Make it safe to talk by restoring safety.

* When there is a clear problem, then ensure mutual respect by apologizing, and ensure mutual purpose by stating it or creating it.

* When there is a misunderstanding, use the "Contrast" concept.

## 7. Create mutual purpose via CRIB

Create mutual purpose by using "CRIB" abbreviation.

* Commit to seek mutual purpose.

* Recognize the purpose behind the strategy.

* Invent a mutual purpose, such a a more creative purpose, or higher purpose.

* Brainstorm new strategies.

## 8. Explore others' paths via AMPP

Explore others' paths by using the "AMPP" abbreviation.

* Ask to get things rolling.

* Mirror to confirm feelings.

* Paraphrase to acknowledge the store.

* Prime when I'm not getting anywhere.

## 9. Move to action via WWWF

Move to action by using the "WWWF" abbreviation.

* Who is working on actions?

* What actions are happening?

* When are actions complete?

* Followup planning: how/when will we follow up?

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